Well it’s June. Kids are counting down the days to summer vacation. You’re looking forward to the heat, the sun, the sand, the surf. Not me. The bugs, the humidity, the sweating, the traffic, the crowds. Ughh. I was never a sun worshipper. I tend to soak in sun and get really dark in the summer. I don’t look quite like myself to me.
I prefer it cold. I’m physically more comfortable when it’s cold. More active, more energetic, more attractive. My mood is better. I like to pile on clothes, not take them off. I also love weather. Rain and snow; the marvelous diversity of the change in seasons.
What on earth am I doing here in Southern California? My son has found his niche and is thriving. I feel unsettled and lost. I can go for months without ever seeing another Black person. Since I have been here, I have never worked or been in an office where I was not the only black person there. At my last assignment, a company that boasts its having been in business since 1911, I was the only Black person there. I was not a staff employee so the company actually employs, in 2008, not one Black American descendant of slaves.
I can go to almost any public place here and count on one hand how many Blacks I see alternatively enjoying the space as much as everyone present there is. On Thursday, I decided I was going to start these two business, but today I began to worry about the racial “climate” here. Where are all the Black people in North County, California? Or is North County the region of San Diego time and experience has taught Blacks to avoid?
My son lives and works in San Diego. I live 40 miles north in North County. In New York, Blacks know what sections of the city are comfortable and safe and what sections of the city it’s best to avoid. It’s like that everywhere you go in this country, but I have never encountered the level of resistance I experience now so thinly veiled and so close to the surface it cannot be disguised. I can feel it.
I knew I was in trouble at my last assignment whenever I found myself in the same room as the owner and company namesake. A customer service rep who had worked for the company ten years had tendered his resignation. Company employees gathered in a common area for an afternoon send off for him. Whenever I caught the owner staring at me, he would quickly divert his eyes. I experienced the same behavior at the Halloween gathering and again at the Christmas gathering. The familiar internal flashing red lights and alarm bells immediately went off at each occurrence. In December I notified the placement agency of my fears but I allowed myself to stay there and endure. Gas is $3.98 a gallon here. I prayed time would work its usual healing magic, but I was wrong as you all well know.
I am always stunned when I hear stuff like this:
“I want to believe that the subtle racism that comes from ignorance and a lack of human contact with black people is the most common form of racism in America. That is not so bad, relatively speaking. Once people like that actually get to know some people of different races, they tend to change their tune real quick.
But, if it’s more sinister than that, and it seems to be (at least in some places), then it makes me (at least on this issue) ashamed of my country. We haven’t done enough. I don’t know what else to do, exactly, but something is wrong.”
http://saij.wordpress.com/2008/05/19/obama-virginia-and-racism-in-america
I actually have to glance at the calendar to make sure it’s still 2008 not 1978.
I like the home I have made for myself here. I like this neighborhood and this community. I like my rituals and routines. I don’t want to move. The problem is most insidious because it specifically targets employment practices here and the lack of opportunities extended toward Blacks. I have not experienced any problems in any other essential area of life.
Well it’s June and it’s official. I have been out of work a solid month. Summer is almost officially here. For many, it means rest, relaxation and fun in the sun. It means a week or two respite from a job. As for me it looks like it’s going to be another long hot summer in America’s Finest City. That’s just the way it is*.
Track 5
